We May be Backwards, but we Know Where We're Going. ...

So, Kaler told me the the other day that he would like a mullett. In the front, though. "Party in the front, business in the back", he said. He is a true redneck through and through, and is proud to be one. My son Jance pines to live in a trailer. That's all he wants. His own trailer. You should see the trailers he's been looking at on KSL. (No, we're not going to oblige him.) The trailer he wanted more than anything was painted solid red with a huge white "U" on it. Only $500 and surely no one would see it going down the road to get here. I overheard Craig telling the boys last night that at one time, he had a job that involved "pre-skidmarking new underwear for the marketplace", and he was the best in his division. He's told the kids since they were little about the jobs he used to have. For instance, long, long ago, he made dirt for a living, and mentioned what tough work it was to grind up rocks into dirt, for back then, we had no dirt. He also made cat trails back in the day, so the cats would know how to get through the fields, ... etc.

I haven't really written a lot about my family. It's true, my family is a freakshow. They know it. Of course I love them. They know that as well. If you lived at our house, you would hear remarks that would surely shock you, but go unnoticed by us. Last weekend we took our freakshow out in public. We all got ready for the day, as usual. It was cold so I put on my son's long sleeve flannel shirt and his socks for warmth. I pulled a winter stocking hat, also my son's, on my uncombed hair and started working around the house. Somewhere along the day, we ended up in the car. If I had realized we were actually going somewhere in public, I would have put my own clothes on. We ended up in the Orem mall. Yes, we did get looks, between the 3 buckaroo dressed cowboys, and the mom who dressed like a sloppy little boy, we did get looks. I mean we were in top notch trailer mode. Jance did get embarrassed when I pulled my pant legs up to adjust my socks, which had turned completely around and the heel was on the top of my foot, right in the food court. Did I mention, they were my son's and way to big?

Now why am I writing this? Most families hide this sort of thing. Is it because I'm past the point of desperate to put a blog out there, even to put my own family on the chopping block? No, it's because I want you to know, you no longer have to laugh at us behind our backs. We know who we are, and it's who we are. You may snicker right in front of us, but just know, to us, it's already old news. We laugh at ourselves more than anyone else possibly could. We are a good time had by all. We're the best time we've ever had. Our thighs hurt from slapping them too much during long bouts of breathless laughter, not to mention how our sides ache.

So let me explain the photo above; I am not a fan of "the Christmas letter". Last year, as a way to laugh at the Christmas letter, we decided to do a picture that says all, of everything we accomplished during the year 2009, namely a lot of bike riding, shooting, sculpting and makeup. And we didn't have to write a single word. Only immediate family got this picture, but due to my generous nature, I decided to share it with the world. This will truly give you a sense of who we are.

Thank you friends and family for accepting us for who we are. Unless you don't anymore after reading this.

Hallowed Eve Repast

I love Halloween so much, you don't even know! I have been such a busy witch (that's with a "W", mind you) getting my potions ready, and my poisons concocted.

I got all the treats wrapped up and got ready for the little Trick or Treaters. I had about 35 little monsters, and their big parents, come to my house this year. At one point, I had 25 people in my little teeny house as two big groups came at once. I believe there was a scuffle in my driveway when they left, because Kaler went out the next morning and found where someone accidentally lost about half of their loot, probably trying to climb back in the car, but, alas, no little children were left behind, much to my dismay. Last year I purchased a cauldron big enough for two small children (hee, hee, hee!) but never got a chance to use it.

The following day, and for the second time in 5 years, I threw my annual Halloween dinner party. I know, having it only twice in five years doesn't make it annual, but it just is. I chose my colors carefully, light luminous green and black. How elegant, you say, as did I. It's too darn bad that I couldn't find hardly anything in those colors to decorate with. I banned the color orange this year. (You are still my favorite color, orange, and I still love you!)

Well, parties are pretty much all about the food. Craig and I both like grown-up creepy food, now that we are, indeed, grown up.

So, my menu included a roasted fleshworm, giant bat legs, warm bloodroot in a light, buttery orange sauce, garlic mashed potatoes (well, we needed some normalcy) and several varieties of crusty breads served with rotting spread. Okay, the cauldron was brewing up root beer, not children. I served it all up in my collection of creepy antique dishes. Here is a picture of Craig. He was our bread butler.

There was a dessert buffet for when the food began to decompose in our stomachs. I know the picture doesn't show it, but there were a lot of desserts. It does show, however, the giant onion my mother gave to me as a gift. Thank you, mom. Your the best. Who else gets giant onions for their dessert table from their moms.

No one but the nephews dressed up. All the adults were smarter than I was. I think next year I will take the hint as I singed the veil on my hat twice when I got too near the candles. The picture below is my sister Ursula's family, with appropriate 'cheesiness'.

I couldn't help it. Daegan looked so evil with the "red eye", I just had to post it.

The next picture is of my dad, my sister Melissa, and my mom.

This next photo is of Melissa and my sister, Carma. There is not a soul in my family who does not cheese it up for photos.

So, Halloween is over, as much as I love it, I'm happy to put the graveyard away, the skeleton away, the family away (kidding Craig). I had the greatest time! I wish all my sisters could have been there. For all you ghost chasers out there, in the picture below there are loads of orbs. It shows up much better in the full size photo, but they are there. I think it's just gas.

I am not the only one who's tired. This dude had a massive hangover the next day.

I hope everyone had the greatest Halloween.