And That Is Why They Call Him Sparky

This is a blog that begs to be written. I can’t actually believe I’m writing this, but it’s so funny to me, and yet, I’m so embarrassed and shocked by it at the same time, which somehow makes it funnier. My sister Ursula’s little boy was 2 years old when this happened, which was just last summer. We were at my mom and dad’s house for some occasion, probably 4th of July or dad’s birthday, all I remember, is it was summertime. This little guy, Daegan, brought a pail of toys into the house and dumped some of them onto the floor, but wanting to share, he dumped the remainder into grandpa’s lap. Well, turns out there was quite a bit of sand in the bottom of the pail and my dad hollered at Ursula who was in another room, to come and see the mess that her child had made. Ursula promptly picked up the toys and grabbed the vacuum and cleaned up the floor. She started to vacuum the chair, in which my dad was still sitting, stopped, and handed the vacuum hose to him and said “Here, you do it. I’m not in the mood to vacuum your nuts.” I stopped breathing. With a family full of girls, we NEVER said things like that. Then I started laughing, probably to cover up my embarrassment, most likely. A year later, I still laugh. And I’m still embarrassed.

I put my own sons in this same sort of predicament a just a couple of months ago. I don’t know what happens when a mother decides it’s okay to tell your children a naughty joke because they might enjoy it, but that’s what happened. I was sitting at my computer and something must have triggered me to remember the joke in the first place as I just can't imaging telling my kids a naughty joke out of the blue. Here's the joke:

Q: What do you call a dog with short legs and metal balls?

A: Sparky

There was no laughter heard. I looked back at my oldest who was behind me to see if he even heard me. He was laughing so hard, no sound came out. I think he was quite pleased that his own mother would share such a gem with him. Once my youngest "got it", we all laughed the hardest we have probably ever laughed together. I know I had tears rolling. Simply put, a bonding moment. Okay, it was a mild naughty joke, but this was the first and last naughty joke my kids will ever hear coming out of my mouth.

Okay, so speaking of funny, naughty off-colored moments, this one happened to Craig. As most of you know, I do a lot of Brazilian waxing among loads of other treatments at my spa. I did not know that my kids knew what a Brazilian wax was, since, hello, that’s not really something we talked about at the dinner table, in fact, I really tried to shield my kids from knowing that I did that particular service. Well, one night, Craig came out of the bathroom, just having taken a shower, with the towel over his shoulder instead of around his waist. Jance looked right at him and yells, “Geez, dad, you need to let mom give you a Brazilian!! Again, embarrassment, laughter, “get your towel on” etc. Maybe too much information, there.

I heard once, in my youth, that there are only two kinds of jokes, funny ones and clean ones. Well I can tell you that you can have a clean, yet funny joke. Since my entire blog was full of naughty things, I will let you enjoy one of my very most loved clean jokes. I laugh at this joke every single time I tell it aloud. I tell it all the time, and if you have been around me, guaranteed you’ve heard it at least once.

Q: “What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: “It doesn’t matter, he won’t come when you call him anyway. “

So I just realized I have two jokes that contain "what do you call a dog". Had no idea my variety was so limited. One day we'll go through my "what do you call a man with no arms and legs" jokes. Have a happy day.