‘Tis the season to talk candy, as the Hallowed eve is nigh. I did a short survey with my students at the school that I teach at to find out what their most and least favorite Trick or Treat candy was growing up. I was shocked, saddened and speechless at their choices, making me realize I truly needed to get a life, since other peoples choices of candy was upsetting my emotions and instilling a sense of despair in me. But my heavens, it hurts to hear one putting Mary Jane’s at the bottom of a list. If you don’t know what Mary Jane’s are, let me describe; peanut butter flavored taffy with a soft peanut butter center, and wrapped in black and orange wrappers. It makes my mouth water just writing this. Actually I’m dieting right now, so even thinking of the wrappers are making my mouth water, kind of like eating your cheese paper at McDonalds. I feel that Bit O’ Honey’s, along with their wrappers, also deserve a high ranking right up there with those sweet Mary Jane’s.
The candy’s that were most favored with my students are; anything gummy, suckers, Jolly Ranchers and chocolate, including all candy bars, M&M’s, Sixlets, and the like. My sister remembers a treat that we got every year in our neighborhood. It was a little message about their religion, Jehovah’s Witnesses, I think, rolled into a scroll around a tootsie roll. As an adult, I now know that this religion doesn’t celebrate holidays, and I commend them for participating, even if it was for a completely different agenda. I hated this treat, but my sister, Ursula really loved it, and has fond memories for it. I didn’t hate it for the message, I just hated the single little Tootsie midget and waste of my time that came with it. On Halloween night, in a very rural community, with houses on 5 acre lots, and walking door to door, time is everything!
When I surveyed my students for their worst candy, it was Mary Jane's, candy corns (What?!) Dots (How sad. They bring happiness to me just by looking at them!) popcorn, Smarties (but they’re standard!) wax lips, salt water taffy, Dum Dums (If you’re going to go suckers, it HAS to be a grape Tootsie Pop.), anything black licoricey and anything homemade. (Are you kidding? Those were the best! Alas, the homemade goodies had to go far, far away for the scare of the razors and needles placed secretly within.) I realize part of the problem here is a generation gap. People’s tastes change. Who thinks Nerds are great? Not my generation or older. The candy was better and bigger when I was young. The candy that I got regularly, every single year, in my bag was; Sugar Daddy‘s, Sugar babies, Cow tails, Laffy Taffy, Chic-O-Stix, Slowpokes, root beer barrels, BB Bats, Kits, Starburst, Chiclets, Bazooka bubblegum (ahh, the best!), Dubble Bubble (notsagood), lots of SweeTarts and Pixie Stix along with the candy bars. There were only one or two in the neighborhood that gave out full size candy bars, but other than the candy bars, most of the candy was regular size, like Milk Duds, nowadays you get two in a box. In my day, the size I got had at least 6 if I remember right. Apples. Really? I mean, that’s just a rip off, unless it was on a stick with caramely goodness all over it. Let’s not allow a day of legal gluttony turn into a health conscious campaign! Did your parents ever tell you all your teeth would rot out if you ate all your candy? Why do they say these things? Popcorn balls were overrated, too. They will always come second to caramel corn in a bowl, where the caramel is still gooey. Do you ever remember biting into a popcorn ball and chomped down hard on an “old maid“? Well, who needs that tooth anyway, you got plenty more. (Okay, so maybe eating your candy will hurt your teeth.) I did like Cracker Jack, though, when I was young. Our prizes back then in Cracker Jack was bigger and better, too. Speaking of young, I remember candy that is no longer around. Does anyone remember the Marathon bar? That delicious braid of chewy caramel that was chocolate coated? I remember the wrapper had a ruler printed on the back, showing you that you got an entire 12 inches of candy. Craig even remembers the commercial; “I’m quick Carl, and I do everything fast!” Quick Carl was a gunslinger with chaps and everything. In the commercial, Carl had no choice but to slow down when eating this candy as it was so deliciously chewy and big. It was so much candy, in fact, that the strongest memory I have of the Marathon bar, was throwing the rest of it away. I made sure to throw it in the thickest part of my Oma’s flower garden so I wouldn’t get in trouble for wasting. I can’t imagine wasting something so delicious nowadays. I also haven’t seen Tart ‘n’ Tiny candy since I was little. These perfectly shaped little pellets of candy had a powdery texture similar to Smarties, but the flavor was way better. I can taste it in my mind. My all time favorite chocolate bar I've ever had was called a Caravelle. Crispy rice, chewy caramel and chocolate. The closest thing to it is 1000 Grand. How about Razzles? Pink and purple raspberry-ish shaped tablet of candy, that was kind of powdery then turned into gum! I’ve seen those for sale within the last 2 or 3 years. I bought them, they weren’t as good as I remembered. Slapstick suckers, which were chewy caramel and several pastel colors of taffy swirled together on a stick, giant chewy SweeTarts, Square Shooters, which were big square suckers that were ten for a dollar at the Hogle Zoo when I was in 3rd grade. How about the Bottlecaps that I had in my day. Yes, I know they make Bottlecaps still, but not like I had them as a kid. They actually were shaped like bottle caps, not just round candies with the edge printed on them. Almost the same size as a real bottle cap and actual notched edges. They had more the exact flavors of what you would expect, such as Dr. Pepper, Grape Crush, Orange Crush, and Hires root beer, and not just generic flavors like grape, orange and root beer. What’s with the cherry flavor in the packages now? I know of no cherry soda. And guess what else? They were fizzy when you put them in your mouth. How long has shoelace licorice been gone? How am I supposed to make hair or legs on my creepy baked goods from now on? This article is bringing up too much nostalgia, I’ll have to blog about more about this another time.
As for Halloween, I will have Allsorts and licorice snaps at my party. And if I’m not still dieting, I will eat them all even at the expense of my teeth. It’s habit for me to leave the razors out of my apples, so no problem there, and I vow to cover them with extra caramel this year. I’m even thinking of throwing circus peanuts and toasted coconut marshmallow squares in the mix. As far as what I intend to give to the little monsters who come to my door? Yup, full size candy bars, with a full size soda and a 5 stick pack of Juicy Fruit, as I do every year. (I only give treats to children in my neighborhood, by the way, as I can‘t afford to feed all of you, so sorry, don‘t bring your kids or yourselves, I will pretend I don‘t know you, I’ll shut out the light, I’ll lock the door, or worse, I‘ll give you popcorn. Popcorn is my pit bull.) I’m not decided yet whether I, myself, will be going trick or treating. Probably not, though, since I am 42 years old, but if I do end up going, I’ll trade anyone my SweeTarts, Dubble Bubble, Runts, Tootsie Rolls, popcorn, pretzels, apples, Jolly Ranchers, salt water taffy, jawbreakers, Dum Dums, and Sprees straight across for Mary Jane’s.
P.S. Oh No! After I wrote this blog, and posted it, I realized that my cousin had done a blog like this that is far too similar. I feel like a loser, a copy cat, and a dumb ass, really. Dang it! I really hate being all those things! So, so, sorry Cody, didn't know I was copying and really didn't mean to. I'll make sure you get royalties.
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